Erma Bombeck

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

Dreams • Loneliness • Ownership

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

Art • Creativity • Design

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

Marriage • Temptation

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Entertainment • Humor • Sport

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Comedy • Humor • Pain

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

Courage • Family • Home

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Gratitude • Life • Purpose

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

Aspiration • Courage • Trust

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Civilization • Humor • Society

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Food • Time • Tradition

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Fame • Success

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Expectations • Humor • Marriage